trouble!

sketched the whole day yesterday.
these are just some of the results.
there's so much to do...
i really need to start gettin' my shit together.
otherwise soon i'm sleepin' on the street.

umbrella

20/01/11

get your umbrellas, it's raining accusations.......

happy new angry year!

Hi! bitte fickt euch ins Knie!! danke.

 40° fieber gleich mal zum anfang des jahres....
that's how you like it!
ich bin soooo wütend....
ich weiß nicht mal wirklich warum.
diese verfluchte wut macht mich noch wahnsinnig.
zeichnerisch krieg ich auch gerade GAR NICHTS auf die reihe.
das is doch totaler perspektivischer müll, was ich da fabriziert habe!!
aber leider das einzige, bei dem ich nicht komplett kotzen muss, wenn ich es sehe...
aber mein blog hat eine neue seite!!

und du kratztest wunden auf, die nicht mehr heilen.
wir waren zu verschieden.
wir sind zu verschieden.
und unser schweigen spricht bände.
mein schweigen spricht wände.

finally i walked away

05/09/10

 this year was a good year.
i remember me saying every new year's day:
well..... at least it can't get worse....
it could.
but not this year.
this was a good year.

thank god christmas is over

sketches, '10

so do what you must do
to fill that hole.
cause i did so, too.

i gotta accept the fact that he will act as if he doesn't love me, and does whatever is good for him and not what's good for us.
there is no us anymore.
it's just hard to know how easy it is for him now and how hard it was for me back in the days.
but why does it still make me so angry whenever the moon acts selfish and dumb, just like he always did?
i still want revenge, i think.
my  presumptuous, narcisstic moon....

yay, quotes!

10 min sketch, 11/12/10

„Sollten Ihnen meine Aussagen zu klar gewesen sein, dann müssen Sie mich missverstanden haben.“

alan greenspan 
passt wie die faust aufs auge heute, meine laune schwingt alle 10 min um.
von wütend zu weinerlich zu aufgeregt, wieder wütend,lustig, aktiv, jetzt gerade wieder wütend...
wie vielseitig ich heute bin...
 

snow

"birds & lollipops", nov '10

it is freezing cold and in the morning, after the third night i slept like 2 to 3 hours, i forgot to put my jacket on.
i was so confused, in my own world or whatever that i just forgot it!
bad mistake, i felt like the cold cutting into my skin whenever i was outside.
i gotta do something about this insomnia, this was okay when i was younger with no obligations, but it's getting exhausting.
and i need to get my school done, all this skipping classes can't go on like that.
even with good grades...

i miss the wolf.
i hope he comes over tonight.
didn't see him for almost two days, this is a lot for us.
i never thought i could talk like that...
i became one of those women i hate who can't be alone for a freakin' day.
disgusting!

nightmares again

'10

today was a good day.
didn't expect that after such a terrible night.
i dunno what it is, that i lately dream of blood and me cutting heads of or getting ripped or whatever.
this whole nightmare thing is nothing new, but before it was not that bloody and detailed.
they murdered my family, but there wasn't so much blood and i didn't see their organs fly around.
so every half an hour i woke up, sweating, gasping, with racing heart.
when i think about it now i wonder how i got anything done today.
good to have a wolf next to you to make you know everything is allright.
i hope this won't go on all night again.

i thought i'm done with this.......

but:
i love my job.
i love my man.
and i got people around who love me.
what do i want more!?
strange how much you can take when there is someone you can rely on, who loves and cares for you and is definitely letting you know it.
otherwise i would've refused already with all that stuff i gotta do.
but he makes me want to get my shit together.

girls!

people, you need to accept it:
less is LESS!

my shoes

my favorite shoes.
i got lots o them...
a friend gave them to me.
and by the way:
 i'm sorry, dear fat, old lady, but you're baby is very ugly!
i know you can't see it, 'cause it's yours, that's why i tell you.
still i wish u both lots of fun with each other.
me!

a hard weekend

"die weltfremde und der verpeiler", 12/11/10

die meisten namen meiner classmates sind mir nicht geläufig.....

our first real argument about the moon.
he was really hurt, just because i'm a dumb bitch.
how could i think it was a good idea to meet the moon 5 o'clock in the morning?
in his flat.
ALONE.
as if anything good happened ever before when we did something like this.
i'm not used to this " i got a boyfriend and can not do whatever i want with whoever i want".
sometimes i still forget.

he was upset the whole saturday, but it was okay when he went home.
later we fucked his ex-girlfriends head.
funny for me.
he told me so many times that he adores me, that i gotta belive him.
and she is out!
everyone could see, she is so angry with me....
and she runs after him like a fuckin' dog, tryin' to look as if it wasn't so.
he always tells me i shouldn't let her bother me, 'cause i won.
i guess he's right.
he didn't even look at her.
...
he said he wants to be with me forever.
and that he's not the type of man who tells a woman he loves her, if he did not think about it and considered it was for longer then just 2 or 3 years.
forever is a very long time...

daily sketches

two days ago or some.
need to go to school now.
i think i got my motivation back.

daily sketches

"arrogance", A4

"Let's fart.", 10x14cm

"Storch & Skalpell", A5

ich mag menschen mit tierköpfen.
alles heute mit 8B bleistift.

all my evils

all my evils, '10

it was bound to happen...
i tried too hard to avoid it.
i threw one of my fits.
it was too much of everything.
i threw a fit and he's been there for me.
he was perfect.
didn't got angry, did not went away, he stayed and held me.
ignoring my remarks how much i hate him and want him to leave.
he knew i was lyin' and was not too proud to fail  to hear this shit.
my eyes hurt.
half an hour later he talked about how we could celebrate our jubilee in a few months and that he wants to invite me for dinner tomorrow.
like i didn't cry and yelled at him, insulted him, told him that i want to be without him.
can anyone believe that?
how great, understanding and patient can one man be?
my arms look terrible.
i'm tired.
he made me feel like it's okay. that i won't lose his love for this bullshit.
he loves me with all my evils.
i never met a greater man...

let's go, kill some cuntz

 i hate these damn WHORES!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i hate myself for letting this infect me so much............
FUCKIN BITCHES!
ima bust some heads soon....
seriously, if they don't get a grip, ima catch a fuckin' case!

tattooed buttertape

jonah and olive, '10

he came home, like 1:30, i been worried where he's been, what the hell he's been doin'...
he said it.
he could not have chosen a better moment.

(edit: by the way, now that i'm not as exhausted and confused as when i wrote this above: jonah and olive belong to a story called "fight & fuck & run & smile".
I already drew character sheets for both and got a story in my head, but unfortunately that's all.
hope i will find the time soon, but i'm not very convinced of it...)

and i said yes...

sketchbook

why u needed 10 days to tell me!!?
i love it when you're drunk.
not only today, but today even more than other days.

and then i thought: this is it, girl, you're alone now.

the fact that I don't want it doesn't justify YOUR refuse!
by the way: i don't believe you...

the moon

pencil on paper, ca. juni '10

skizze für ein portrait auf leinwand, so 70x50, vielleicht etwas größer...

beim scannen ein wenig mit den mitten rumgespielt, macht ne schönere atmosphere.

text (c) silly: "hurensöhne"

"Pan ist ein frecher, ungötttlicher Gott der Griechen. Versteht man den Menschen als Mitte zwischen Tier und Gott, dann ist Pan einem Tier ähnlicher als einem Gott. Er galt als kindlich verspielter, ewig geiler und leidenschaftlich verliebter Gott. Er lebte nicht mit den anderen griechischen Göttern auf dem Berg Olymp, sondern wohnte für sich in Arkadien, einem Teil von Griechenland, ein großartiger Platz für einen Naturgott, der seine Tage mit Jagen und Flöte spielen verbrachte, der Fremde erschreckte und verjagte, Nickerchen an warmen Nachmittagen machte, tanzte, feierte und so viel Sex hatte, wie er nur bekommen konnte.Für seine Wollust bekannt, ist er von Nymphen und Satyrn umgeben.

Charakteristisch ist für Pan, dass er ein kräftiger und fruchtbarer Gott ist; er ist lüstern und leicht reizbar, besonders wenn er in seiner mittäglichen Ruhe gestört wird."
                                                                                                        (quelle: http://www.die-goetter.de/gott-pan)

wie passend, sagte sie trocken und lachte.

aber du würdest die enttäuschung in ihren augen sehen.

i hate you

sketch, '10

when i tried to tell myself that he MUST be lyin', 'cause they all do.
dunno why i put them so close together when they are obviously as different as day and night...
so maybe i wrong him.
by the way, i love the moon in the glass ball!