er hat mich tatsächlich gegoogelt.
und meinen blog gefunden.
ich hatte eigentlich nie das gefühl, etwas vor ihm verbergen zu müssen und trotzdem war mir bei dem gedanken unwohl.
so the moon is well up in again.
i wonder if it changed something in his mind...
when i called him, i felt something was different the last 2 days.
maybe it was just my imagination.
so just in case u read this:
i wish u were here right know to talk to me
being like we were when we were younger
u remember this?
it was great.
unfortunately it will never be like this again.
i always tell kobe whenever he gets jealous, it isn't hard to be better then we were because those were hard times,in contrast to his ex-girlfriend with who he had 5 good year.
we both made it harder than it had to be.
but he doesn't know, how hard it will be to be better than us and to keep me.
but he's trying so hard to be better than he was in all of his relationships that i can't refuse that he truly loves me.
i really wish, dear moon, we weren't so dumb to throw it all away.
and i wish you would've make me feel that u still belong to me.
for me this was always clear at every point in our relation.
even when i hated u because u again lied to me, broke my heart, whatever.
but not for you i guess.
i should stop thinkin' of u so much and accept the facts.
but it hurts that the pieces to the puzzle don't fit.
i try so hard to move on.
i just can't believe that this is all there is in the end.
a call every now and then.
a superficial talk about this and that.
hard to bare for me, you seem to like it that way.
that makes it even harder.
we're still so different...
i always thought we're in this together but i never felt so let down by you.
but for the first time, i not feel like this is going to kill me.
it's going to be okay.